Am I striving from a place of authenticity, or am I seeking validation?

Trust that everything will be fine—and trust yourself.

Parenting has a way of magnifying every part of us, especially our intensity. I’ve found myself often thinking, “Am I trying too hard?” And more importantly, “Am I doing this from a place of authenticity, or am I secretly craving validation?”

The truth is, I deeply want to be a good mom. But sometimes, a little too much. I want to nurture my kids well, guide them wisely, and raise kind children with character. But in that pursuit, I’ve realized that I can easily slip from parenting on purpose to parenting for performance. Somewhere along the way, the desire to “do a good job” can start looking more like trying to earn an invisible award like "Mom of the Year" handed out by… who, exactly?

That pressure intensifies even more when co-parenting is part of the picture. If you've ever felt like you're in an unspoken competition with your co-parent, you're not alone. It’s a dynamic that can bring out your best and worst qualities. I had to take a hard look at myself and ask: Am I parenting from a place of love and unity, or am I striving to prove I'm the better parent? In my book, there's a chapter called “Stop Competing and Start Collaborating,” because until we let go of that need to win, we’ll never truly work together for our child’s good. Read that again.

Letting go of control or the outcome? That’s where it gets really hard. I like to know that things are on track, that the boxes are checked and the plan is working. But what happens when it’s not? When the house is a mess, the kids are melting down, and you are melting down with them? That intensity inside of me wants to fix it, force it, and figure it out.

But I am learning that intensity, when left unchecked, can do more harm than good. In “Bring It Down a Notch,” another chapter from Get Serious and Other Principles to Pull You Through, I talk about how my drive, though well-meaning, has sometimes pushed the very people I love away. I’ve had to remind myself that taking time to "check myself" means the issue isn’t more important than the relationship.

And yes, when you’re living in performance mode, even the smallest things can feel like a personal attack. You start reading between the lines, hearing judgment where there is none, or getting hurt by things that wouldn’t normally bother you. And if you're like me, I often catch myself chasing approval, cleverly disguised as ambition. So I am realigning my actions with who I truly am and not who I want others to think I am.

Nugget of Truth:

Trust that everything will be fine—and trust yourself. Ask yourself: Am I seeking validation? People-pleasing? Motivated by fear? You’ll find that sometimes it’s better to take a step back. You don’t have to pedal all the time. You can coast and rest, knowing that you’ll get there—one day at a time.