Character Doesn’t Negotiate Where It Can Serve

Character doesn’t negotiate whether to do the right thing.

I’m trying to instil values and principles in my children, and sometimes it feels like my words roll right off them like water off the back of a duck. What frustrates me most is the duplicity I see when i perceive that they give their best to strangers, friends, or people who pay them, yet argue or give attitude when asked to help at home. It boggles my mind.

You see, I’ve tried not to comment on every little thing that is out of place or annoying. I don't want to be a parent who nags. Instead, I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut, serve faithfully, and take initiative to support our home. But when I see patterns of behaviour that can become relationship killers, I believe they must be addressed head-on.

Recently, one of my children borrowed an iPhone charger from a sibling and broke it. When I overheard the conversation about replacing it, the borrower was negotiating: Did the sibling really need another charger? After all, she already had two. Could they perhaps replace it with something of equal or less value? As if the borrower has the right to now one-up the lender or get away with their infraction without consequence or any need to rectify the situation. I'd go even further to say that being ok with making problems for others is also a part of problem.

So I had to step in.

The issue wasn’t the charger. It was character.

If you break something, you don’t need permission or negotiation to take responsibility. You simply make it right and you do it promptly. The person you inconvenienced should not have to defend why they need what you broke. You don’t wait to be told repeatedly to do the right thing.

It goes back to the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

It can be difficult for children to think beyond themselves and consider how their actions affect others. But learning to do so is foundational to becoming a person of character.

My hope is to raise leaders in my home who do right by people, not people who use their influence to get others to do their dirty work or who only do the right thing when someone is watching.

It starts in the home and I know I must model that.

Helping and serving without a hidden agenda, without expecting something in return, develops a kind of character that money cannot buy. It creates people others trust, respect, and want to follow.

Nugget of Truth

Character doesn’t negotiate whether to do the right thing. It takes responsibility, serves others, and treats people the way we would want to be treated.