Some Things Are Caught, Not Taught

If there is one thing a daily relationship with God has taught me, it is not to do things halfway or sloppily. Do things well. Give your best. Represent.

This summer, I found myself having many conversations with my children about character. In one instance, I asked one of them (who had just asked to use my mini elastic bands) to gather the elastics that had spilled into a drawer and put them back in the bag I gave her. Her reluctant sigh and pushback surprised me. The task would take less than two minutes, yet something so small was treated like a major inconvenience.

The overthinker in me wondered if she felt I was giving her my “dirty work.” And, if I’m honest, part of me was testing whether she would help with a good attitude. I already suspected what the answer would be. So when I came back later to find that it was half done, it confirmed an underlying problem with trust.

I saw the same pattern when I asked the same child to empty the dishwasher. After some hesitation, the job eventually got done but the dishes were placed randomly, with little thought or care to where they actually belonged. Technically, the dishwasher was emptied. But it was not done well.

And that got me thinking about leadership.

Parenting often develops my leadership consciousness because it forces me to examine patterns of behavior rather than simply react to them. When someone is capable of doing something well but chooses not to, perhaps the answer is not another lecture about character. Perhaps it is modeling.

This is why I value mentorship so highly. Spending time with someone who consistently demonstrates excellence creates opportunities to observe, ask questions, and have conversations about what motivates them. Sometimes, what we model in 15 minutes of working alongside someone can accomplish more than a 15-minute lecture about character because... some things are caught, not taught.

Our children, employees, and the people we lead are not extensions of us, nor should their behavior be the measure of our success as leaders. Our responsibility is to inspire, model, coach, and address patterns that need to change and to do so without micromanaging.

When someone consistently gives less than their best, their behavior is communicating something. Our job as leaders is to listen, understand what may be behind it, and help redirect it before it affects others.

Nugget of Truth:

You cannot force character, but you can influence it: model excellence, lead with grace, and live at a level where your example is impossible to ignore.