Why Is Self-Control So Hard?

Self-control gets easier when we recognize what’s serving us and what’s hindering us.

Let’s be real. Self-control is hard. Maybe it’s resisting that late-night snack or bag of Halloween candy your kids collected. Maybe it's avoiding toxic scrolling on social media or staying committed to goals that take time and consistency. Whatever the case may be, we all struggle with it at some point. But it begs the question, have you ever stopped to ask why? Is our lack of self-control simply a discipline issue, or is it something deeper like an identity issue?

For me, I’ve noticed that I don’t just lose control because I’m lazy or undisciplined. Sometimes, my actions and what I see in the mirror reflect someone who doesn’t believe they can change. Simply put, it's about my habits and how I see myself. If I don’t believe I’m capable of growth, then of course I’ll keep defaulting to what’s comfortable. I am realizing that discipline begins with identity. That means, until I see myself as someone who is capable of growth, I’ll keep sabotaging my progress.

The truth is we crave comfort. We crave easy, especially if we grew up in hardship and had to hustle to survive. That’s why self-control is so tough, because discipline is the opposite of being comfortable. It’s much easier to hit snooze, binge watch a show, or eat what’s unhealthily. Discipline programs our minds to say "no" to everything and anything that can steers us away from our goal. Great things don’t happen by accident. They take effort, hard work, dedication, and consistency—keeping at it when the excuses pile up and when you don't feel like it.

In Get Serious and Other Principles to Pull You Through, there's a chapter that talks about putting money on the line. For example, paying for a gym membership motivates me to go to the gym because I don't want to waste my money. I sign up for gym classes because they also guarantee that I get to the gym because their cancelation policy keeps members from canceling at the last minute. These small external motivator help fuel my internal discipline. So, do the things that motivate you to follow through and set you up for success.

We all have things that test our self-control. Maybe it's friends who lead us off track, social media that drains our time, comfort food that we don't need, or even toxic patterns that feel good in the moment but do not benefit us long-term. I have learned that self-control gets easier when we recognize what’s serving us and what’s hindering us.

So ask yourself:

• Is this helping me grow or holding me back?

• Is this habit moving me toward my purpose or away from it?

• Is this decision in alignment with who I want to become?

Your answers will point to what needs to change—not just your habits, but how you see yourself.

The good news? You’re not stuck. You’re not powerless. You are not your past patterns. The Holy Spirit gives us the fruit of self-control (Galatians 5:22–23), and that means we’re not doing this alone. We've got help from on high if we ask for it. However, we must do our part and be intentional.

Nugget of Truth:

It takes discipline to reach our goals. And it takes self-control to consistently choose what’s serving us over what’s hindering us. You’re not just changing habits, you’re stepping into a stronger, healthier version of who God created you to be. Start where you are. Stay focused. And believe.